Welcome to Secrets From a 20 Something! I am 22 going on 23 and quickly realizing that I am no longer just 20, but "20 something." While I am growing more comfortable with not having it all figured out, I have also come to find that if there's a time to invest in myself, it's now. As I navigate these years and learn lessons (often the hard way), I want to share the secrets that I uncover along the way. By secrets, I don't always mean I will be spilling my journal on the internet, but more so truths that I've avoided in my younger years that are often hard to hear, but demand to be accepted.
I’ll let you in on a secret. Today, I went to Starbucks, not once, but twice. Once to sit in the store and another time through the drive through. Why, you ask? I’m not quite sure. Except I am… Over time, I acquired an emotional attachment to driving to Starbucks, playing my latest playlist, and ordering the same drink that actually tastes better when I make it at home (grade cold brew with oat milk and sugar-free vanilla).
I’ve heard other people talk about this, so I know that I’m not completely alone. The journey to get coffee is often more of an addiction than the caffeine itself.
Feeling stressed? Starbucks drive through.
No plans on a Sunday? Starbucks drive through.
Don’t want to go home quite yet? Starbucks drive through.
At the end of the month, I check my bank account and see all of the half-drank coffees that could have paid for a tank of gas, gym memberships, or groceries. I conclude that it’s a sunk cost and get on with my life (important note: sunk cost was by far my favorite vocabulary term in Intro to Economics).
Don’t worry, this piece isn’t actually about limiting your coffee consumption. I’m not one to preach cutting out your weekly Starbucks. But the analogy got me thinking: How many parts of myself exist simply because they’re comfortable? And if these habits are truly a sunk cost, what is it that I am sacrificing for these “cups of coffee”? As I enter a new chapter of my life, I’m learning that the sacrifice is greater than I’d like to admit.
I recently moved from Pittsburgh to the Bay Area. With such a profound external change, I was anticipating something equally as drastic to change internally. I did feel different upon moving here. The extra sunshine and new surroundings were a nice detox for my brain. On top of that, I was simply excited for what was to come: Another phase of reinvention, the alluring freedom where nobody knows you. I started going to bars where I couldn’t identify a single person, the most stimulating category of people watching. Most big things: My home, job, relationships, finally felt as though they were falling into place.
But permanent change doesn’t come so easily. Growth isn’t simply a plane ticket away from your past. Without deliberate choices, I found myself enveloped by thought patterns and routines that left me feeling as foggy as a San Francisco summer.
This fog creeps in slowly, under the guise of routine. It rises every time I press snooze on an alarm that I promised myself I would wake up to. It lingers as I scroll for hours on TikTok, even though I promised myself I’d read before bed. The list goes on. I start to crave these habits like my second cup of coffee. I don’t need them, but I am not quite sure who I’d be or what I’d do without them.
But unlike a $4 cold brew, these habits come with a sunk cost of much more. They steal any room for growth.
The fog seeps into my thoughts and feelings. I no longer see what's in front of me clearly. As I fall back into small habits, big doubts creep in as well. Instead of welcoming new experiences with fresh eyes, I overthink interactions that reaffirm past beliefs I’ve held about myself. I become more vulnerable to comparison and envy, even when I “should” be happy with where I am. When I don't show up for myself in the small moments throughout the day, it's more of a challenge to be present for the opportunities in front of me as well.
Too often, we revisit our past selves instead of showing up for who we are today. I know it might sound obvious, but sometimes I need the reminder: You are allowed to grow and change for the better, even if it feels unfamiliar. You are allowed to say that you want more for yourself and say no to anything that no longer serves you. If we can’t offer our past selves grace, we aren’t making room for who we are meant to become. Grace welcomes change.
In this new chapter of life, I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to have it all figured out. After spending years following a regimented path, we are facing uncharted territory in our 20s. We are not just following a map to our future selves, we are creating it with each and every step that we take. We are budding cartographers, if you will. All I can hope for is that we show up with the courage to step out of the fog, setting habits as intentional steps to get to where we deserve to be, even if it isn't as comfortable as who we once were.
You can still have your daily Starbucks, though. Remember, we aren’t telling anyone about that one.
Here's to new beginnings & intentional growth!
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